Pace

Since Baby was born I have been determined to be(come) healthy. Of course the first month or so after she arrived I was just determined to take care of her and sleep as much as possible. No real lofty goals beyond that. Now that we're five months in I have felt a renewed sense of purpose when it comes to my health.

Being diabetic I was closely monitored throughout my pregnancy. Delivering a healthy baby meant taking care of myself - something I'm not especially good at. Already being overweight it was a mandate from my OB to not gain more than 20 pounds during my pregnancy. I think gained 21 pounds to be exact. So much for perfection.

Within a few weeks of delivery I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Weight of fluid & baby alleviated soon after delivery and then not eating a great deal when we got home (sleep over food) meant that the weight was gone without a great deal of effort on my part. Now the tough part starts. The rest of the weight. I am genetically pre-disposed to diabetes (check); high blood pressure (not yet) and other assorted issues that might be significantly reduced if I were to lose weight.

The tough part for people who have been overweight most of their lives is that losing weight is a losing battle. It's a territory of failure. It's pounds and pounds of wasted effort, guilt, and emotion that not only don't get rid of the pounds for good, but usually a few more are added on for good measure.

But now I can feel the future coming and how this is going to impact my life with Baby. She's getting to be so active. She's rolling over, and will be crawling soon. I need to be able to keep up with her, keep pace and enjoy her. I don't want to be the mom who has to take a break every few minutes and watch her play from a bench. I want to be in everything with her... not really possible in my current state.

Activity is tough since I've been back to work. On leave I could take her on walks everyday, and was active just keeping up with all of the chores and day to day tending that the Baby needed from me. I felt good and felt like a more positive person, too. Now, back at my desk and with tons of snacks around I find the sluggish sloth returning.

So, with longevity as my goal I would like to drop 50 pounds in the next 6 months. I've set goals like this before and failed. But when I think about what kind of Mommy I want to be, it's worth the try.

Wish me luck.