Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Who She Needs Me to Be

I have never in my life been more concerned with who I am than since my little girl was born. I don't know if this is a common feeling among women or not. I don't really feel a "societal" pressure to be a particular type of mom, nor do I have to be the mother of all mothers... I just need to be my Baby's mom and do the best job I'm capable of doing.

I had a conversation with an acquaintance years ago who was "trying to figure out women"... I listened to him talk for a long time about how difficult things were, then I said, "You don't have to figure out women, you have to figure out YOUR woman."  I think it was a real moment of clarity for him to be released from the self-inflicted burden of understanding all of woman-kind in order to make one relationship work. Honestly, are our lives complex, or do we make them that way?

Focus on what matters, what impacts your world.

So, I've been looking at myself a little differently these past few months. My lens includes new questions among many others: What does my baby need from me? Who does she need me to be?

I've got some answers:

  • Healthy: obviously I need to drop weight, manage my health better overall to be here with her and so she won't pick up my bad habits that will become burdens in her own life.
  • Smart: My daughter needs to see me thinking things through, praying, listening, deciding what the best option is. If I do this, she'll learn to do the same. 
  • Loving: I want her to know every single day that she is loved and she is welcome. She belongs right where she is and we are grateful for her.
  • Forgiving: Mistakes will be made. Forgiveness is a gift to the whole family. We have this policy in our marriage - once it's forgiven, it's gone. It makes for a much happier present and a more promising, joyful future. Mistakes will happen, amends will be made, then we move on. 
  • Playful/Creative: I can't imagine not having time to just be silly and enjoy each other, to explore and create together. This kind of joy can't be replicated by other means. 
  • Weak: She needs to see me screw up sometimes, to be honest about my struggles, to seek out the right path. Being strong all the time is no attribute, it becomes an impossible standard that breeds insecurity. 
  • Satisfied: Constant complaining, comparisons, and criticisms don't make for happy people or a happy home. Most of us have more than what we need on any given day, we have people who love us and resources to help when we're coming up short. 
It's interesting to think of who I am and how I can grow to meet her needs as a mom. Maybe more later on what I've missed not having a Mom with a Mission... 

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