I'm starting a new thing tomorrow night. I'll be leading a discussion group on "She's Got Issues". I'm not super into the book yet. As I've mentioned before I'm not impressed with the "Am I right, Ladies?!?!" tone of the book and some surprisingly sweeping generalizations about the issues women deal with, but I'm willing to work with it.
I hope that the barrier of tone and topic won't prevent growth. I'm excited to get to know the women in my group. I realized this weekend that while I'm in a position of facilitation I'm really more excited to listen and learn. I've always longed for a wise-female relationship where I can lean on someone who is older, more experienced and cares to guide, not dictate, but to love and pray for a younger generation. Most people get this with their mothers or grandmothers. I didn't.
My sister mentioned last night how worried she was that she was doing things like our mother. I told her to consider this: how we are is kind of like riding a bike. Whatever we're focused on, where our mind/attention is we are likely to follow. If you look over your left shoulder while you're riding your shoulders, arms, and inevitably the bike are going to follow. By focusing so much on not being our mother, is she in a sense turning in that direction.
How we behave is sometimes not up to us - lots of things influence reaction, but mostly we can decide how we want to change and move towards it. I think fixing your eyes on something you love, want to be, or simply what is good, is a great way to avoid some of the inherited unsavory characteristics she's dealing with. Self-awareness is good, but obsession of avoidance of issues can be inviting too much of that in when you're trying to keep it out.
It'll be nice to hear from women with years more experience than I dealing with things kind of like this. Looking forward to it...